u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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