just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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