i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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