Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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