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Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
