It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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