its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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