hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
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