It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
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YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize