He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
