Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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