I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
