Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
