if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
