I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
