i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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