you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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