She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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