They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.