This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
