Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
sarcasm needs its own font
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
