There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
