Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
