I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize