the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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