Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
