oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
