...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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