so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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