I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
