Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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