just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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