when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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