just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
