Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
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I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
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I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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