The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
