I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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