if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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