what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
