I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
