I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
