sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
