Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
