I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
