mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
