Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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