i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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