He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
