Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just invented taco cereal.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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