Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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