Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
