so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
