I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
