He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
