she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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