His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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