she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize