I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
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Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
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Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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