I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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