I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
