last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
