and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
