there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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