smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
