You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
