she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize