If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
