Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
