ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just pynch a tree in the face
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
