I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
