the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
