dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
